Meaning and Authenticity

Oh, a day off! Yummy! Except it's not really. I have to write a sermon and put together two services for Sunday. Still, it's so nice to be at home. I'm sitting now on our back porch at our little patio table and chairs, sipping coffee, listening to the wind through our cathedral of trees. Oh, and although it will get to the 90's today, this morning the breeze it so nice and cool. I almost need a jacket. I was at one of our local hospitals yesterday at 6:30 am to pray with one of our parishioners. Although I felt how afraid she was, I was also aware of how deeply fulfilling it is to me to be a minister, to be with someone, praying, at a time like that. Thank you, God. The morning before that -- Tuesday, that would be--I was at my church at 6:45 a.m. getting ready for what some friends and I are calling our Fullness of Life Group . This was our initial meeting. Eight of us. I knew all but two of the people--no one there knew everyone else, which made it kind of ni...

It's official: I now have dual standing in the United Church of Christ and the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). I spent yesterday morning being "examined" by the Church & Ministry Committee. They "approved" me after asking me questions mostly about UCC polity, some of which I really flubbed, but the committee passed me anyway! Thank goodness! I spent the afternoon at church as well, participating in our church's Planning Retreat which lasted from 1:00 until about 5:00. Then I was off to friend Life Giving One's house to pick up little Julia for an overnight at our house--a sleep-over which included my granddaughter M as well. J is 3 and M is 2. For the most part, they managed to have a great time together. I think it helped to have them both here at the same time. For one thing, little M fell asleep without a fuss, having J in the bed next to hers. Whew! They are such delights to have around!

The surgery itself wasn't bad--of course I was asleep! duh!! :-) I mean, everything happened on time, we didn't have to wait long...David was there with me (his joke-telling was really fun; his obvious concern was even better!)...I felt fine as we left. Last night was a different story. I assume it was the anesthesia, but something caused a monstrous migraine--the kind that gave me nausea and had me throwing up (more than once, but that's more than you care to know!) This morning, except for this PAIN in my hand, I'm okay. The pain pills the doc prescribed are taking the edge off of it. David got me all set up here in bed. Everything is at hand--my right hand, that is--I have my laptop, my phone, my books, my favorite quilt, a cup of coffee, the sun shining through the windows. It's good. And I don't mind typing with one hand. If I can stay awake I'm going to work on my paper for the UCC ministerial partnership--I have to write a history of the UCC, go thr...

I'm in the recliner in my living room. Still coughing, still feeling lousy. But I've had a litte time to read some of my favorite blogs this afternoon, and that has lightened my mood. Wish I had time to read more, but Jan, Mompriest and Kate alone have really helped me. I've been in a bit of a funk, I guess, mostly just because of this persistent illness that leaves me so tired. I haven't wanted to reflect on anything, and that's never a good thing for me, a sure sign that I'm not myself. Jan's on a wonderful trip with her husband, which makes me smile. Mompriest is able to feel truly happy in circumstances that would put anyone down. And Kate's reflections on her entire year are profound and deeply moving. I'm inspired! The year began for me in a new place, a new job in a new church, new faces, new church culture to learn. Having left a dysfunctional church that allowed a few mean-spirited people to behave badly toward its clergy, I needed a while t...

Just some photos from our Georgia trip. These are views from my inlaws house. Several mornings there was a beautiful fog on the river...

I'm tired. Up till 2:00 a.m. last night wrapping presents and picking up the house. Gosh, I can't do that and feel like a human being the next day. We had our "Christmas" this morning. All the chidren were here. We opened presents (for a very long time!) and then had a nice Christmas dinner, thanks to my husband's skill in the kitchen. Our little two-year-old granddaughter was a live-wire. She needed a nap big-time , but no one could entice her to it. Well, we enticed her time and time again, but she simply refused. And she got it in her head that I was her special friend today: " My KK. My KK," she kept repeating...."play with me, KK!" "come here, KK," "where my ball, KK?" Of course I loved it, but with low energy to start with, and six full hours of playing, I'm one whupped pup. My husband and I leave for a visit with my inlaws soon. The kids will be here and in City to the South at various times, but coul...

Well, I've completed my second week of working out with a personal trainer. I go Monday and Wednesday mornings. It's been good. Bill is in the same Ph.D. program I finished in 2005 and works part-time as a trainer to help supplement his income, so we have something interesting to talk about as we go from machine to machine and back again. Surprisingly, I haven't been very sore. Some, but entirely manageable. Is that a good sign? I should ask him. Even more surprisingly, I'm psychologically getting a real kick out of this. Just something about how I'm actually doing it is VERY satisfying to me. Obviously it helps to have an appointment with someone--there's a sense of accountability, an obligation, that gets me out of bed. So, it doesn't seem like I'll be using the trainer just to teach me how to learn each machine and then do it on my own. I think I'll always need another person there to encourage me and hold me accountable to show up. It...

It's 6:15 a.m. I'm the only one up, ostensibly to prepare for church this morning, but there's actually not much I can do here at home. I'm already showered and ready to go; I'll just leave a little early and have plenty of time to do what I need to do before services. I love it when the house is quiet like this and I'm the only one awake. Especially when the house is full, like it is now. My inlaws are asleep in Lovely Passionate Feminist's room. LPF is upstairs in the loft, taking Beautiful Genuine Musician's bed (BGM had to work in City to the South most of this weekend), D is sound asleep in our room, and Hobbes, who awoke and meowed loudly when I went into the kitchen, has settled back down, thank goodness. Yesterday afternoon, D brought the Christmas tree down from the attic, and my MIL began the tedious task of opening up all the squished branches. She did a great job. We have about 10 boxes of Christmas decorations, so I tackled those. As I opene...

It's been a great Thanksgiving Holiday. My inlaws are here so we spent the day at my husband's cousin's house with a big gathering of 18 people. The cousin's house is HUGE, so we also spent the day in luxurious surroundings. Oh my. Yesterday I stayed home to work a bit while everyone else drove Beautiful Genuine Musician back to City to the South and then visited with my FIL's sister in a nearby county. I did join them for a late lunch, though, and then did a little shopping. I've decided to workout twice a week with a personal trainer, so I needed some clothes appropriate for that. Today should be a nice, relaxing day. I hope to get the Christmas Tree up. Here are some recent pics. This is J and Young Man with Integrity from Thanksgiving Day. And little M, also from Thanksgiving Day. This is my friend LifeGiving One's little 3-year old, Julia, who had a "sleepover at KK's" so her mom and dad could have some alone time together. And here is Lo...

OK. Here they are. I told my friend The Artist that I'd post these. They are my very first attempt at watercolor painting! The Artist graciously gave me a lesson a couple of days ago--I'd always wondered how watercolorists did it, and now I have at least a tiny idea.... And I had a great time...

We have a new addition to our household -- a piano! We paid to have Beautiful Genuine Musician's piano moved up here to our house from City to the South, so that she (and others!) can play it when she's up here visiting. Yesterday Lovely Passionate Feminist was here. She and I went to Barnes and Noble, and she bought a songbook for the piano with some lovely songs in it: Danny Boy, Santa Lucia, Finlandia. It was so peaceful listening to her play yesterday. She has a very light touch. (And she's not even the music major!) Young Man with Integrity's girlfriend J is also a musician. They were here for dinner last night, after which she played a piece that she learned years ago--very different with some beautiful but also dissonant chords throughout. We all loved it. And then of course there was little 2 y.o. M, who ALSO played...she played the music of 2 year olds everywhere. And we loved that as well! (for the most part) :-) And strangely enough, even I was able to play o...

Thanks, Purple . Yes, I'm feeling better. Took until Thursday mid-day, but that Z-pac of antibiotics has done the trick! I worked all day yesterday (a wonderful experience!), and then D and I drove way north to visit some friends who have moved. The drive included a very interesting conversation (see post below). Took about an hour and 15 minutes, so we got there, had a wonderful Korean dinner, great conversation, D had another losing game of chess with one of their boys, and then we left. Our host arrives at his work at 5:00 a.m. everyday, including Saturday, so we didn't want to linger. Plus, D and I were both tired. But oh my goodness, it was good to see these friends. They are exceptional people, I think. Both are kind (the kindness that arises from the heart), deeply interesting (deep thinkers and feelers), generous, and, I think, well integrated. D and I always come away from a visit with them feeling good. Anyway, that was my first day of feeling better, and it was long...

I started this blog in the spring of 2007 when I was home sick with bronchitis, then pneumonia, then asthma, then bronchitis again. I had a terrible spring! But one good thing that came from that "sick" time was learning about blogging from my friend Linda . Through her example, I thought I'd give it a try and consequently something very good (new friends) emerged from a not-so-good time in my life. I've been free from serious problems since then, more than a year, but I think I have bronchitis again today. Fortunately my doctor has an opening later this morning, so we'll see. I don't know exactly why being sick upsets me the way it does. Maybe because my mother died of lung problems. Maybe because it interferes with my commitments. Maybe because I think sickness is a sign that I'm not where I should be spiritually--(I do think the mind/spirit-body link is powerful, but on the other hand, it's not the only thing that affects the body.) Maybe because i...

I received a gentle nudge from a friend today. She emailed me, Why aren't you blogging? Everything OK? Everything is fine, Kathy. This afternoon is the first time in two weeks that I've come up for air. Came home from church about 1:30, ate lunch with D and Beautiful Genuine Musician, then took a 3 hour nap. Of course, it all starts again tomorrow morning, and it will continue on through Saturday, October 25 when I attend a denominational meeting and then officiate a wedding. After that, I'll be able to stop between my "action-items" and take notice of my life again. Actually, on second thought, that's not completely true. I have noticed some things: The stunning beauty of the Guadalupe River in the Hill Country of Texas. I led our 3-day church retreat there last week. Our worship on Sunday morning was outside where the view was just breathtaking. My words were paltry in the face of that which spoke of God's love and majesty better than I ever could. The ...

HeartPaths is an organization that trains spiritual directors in the North Texas area. A friend of mine on the staff asked me to become part of the faculty, just to co-lead one of the 1st year groups and to see a few people for spiritual direction (all students must be in direction). All of this will take place on three Friday mornings each month. Plus I'm asked to attend a seminar on one Saturday a month. After I pay for gas--it's a 45 minute drive--I'll make a few dollars. But I'm not complaining about that. Being part of this organization not only allows me to see my friend on a regular basis (I've missed her since our seminary days together) but also to benefit from learning the HeartPaths method of spiritual formation and direction. The curriculum is impressive. And the way they conduct these groups is very similar to the Courage to Lead model in the sense that cross-talk is restricted--very helpful in listening for the Spirit's movement. I went to the firs...

I'm home! We drove straight through. Twelve hours from Pensacola. The girls slept a good portion of the way in the back seat. I relieved D as driver for about an hour, but then found my eyelids closing of their own accord. The rest of the time I played FreeCell on my computer. Over 80 games I played. Yup. That was Saturday. Sunday I drove into church, thinking how eager I was to be there. After church it was back home to meet a couple of friends. The three of us drove to San Antonio where we stayed until Wednesday this week -- Yes, I've had my share of being in the car for a while! Vacation was a dream--I'll post some pictures below. And so was San Antonio, where I participated in the reunion of my Courage to Lead group. "Oasis in the Desert through a Circle of Trust" was the theme. Think about it: How often to we get to be part of a group of people who are all there in order to provide a safe place for the soul to show up? Parker Palmer likens the soul to a wild ...

I've been reading John O'Donohue this morning. Anam Cara , which is his book about soul friends. I read his profound words, words drenched in beauty, and I can feel my soul open. What wonder that evokes in me. We live our lives so busy, so goal-oriented that we--No. Let me put this in the first person--I am so busy, so oriented toward getting things done, that I have spent my long-anticipated vacation actually working on a paper due soon for an interview about dual standing in the UCC. Finally, last night, I realized what I was doing, and today has been a completely different experience. Reading O'Donohue, I am transported to a different, and I think more real, reality. Zen taught me that "This is it." This moment. This place. This body. When I am awake, aware, conscious of my being in time and space, then I am alive. This aliveness this morning, reading O'Donohue and stopping frequently to reflect, brought an opening of my soul. Through this opening came ... ...

I came home today, from a very long day at the church, and sat down with David to watc h Episode Four of John Adams. He and I were both struck by how John addressed Abigail in his letters to her as "dear friend" -- this, during a separation of five long years. She was left at home, raising the children and keeping the farm going, while he was in Europe -- France and the Netherlands -- trying to help the American cause. David's remark was about the mutuality in their relationship shown by that term of endearment. Both David and I saw ourselves, and each other, in John and Abigail Adams. We both laughed out loud at John's responses to various things, laughing at the recognition of their similarity to David's responses at times. Same with me. I apparently share some similar outlooks on life as Abigail. When it was over, I wondered aloud whether Paul Giamatti bore any resemblance to the real John Adams. At that, my husband, the historian par excellence, pulled the Dav...

David and I and the girls are going to Pensacola soon. (Young Man with Integrity will be here every day to look after the cat for us, bless his heart.) Oh, I'm so ready for a change of scenery. I guess it will be hot in Florida, but I look forward to some ocean breezes, at least. And maybe some evening walks on the beach. My friend, Seeker Executive, has a rental condo right there on Pensacola beach. Actually, it's her father's, and they are giving us a week there for free. Talk about GENEROUS! Thank you, Seeker Executive! (and I miss seeing you!) My arm is hurting more yesterday and today than it has previously. Go figure. It just really aches, and when I rotate it there's a sharp pain still. Bummer. Nevertheless, I'm busy, busy. The church I serve has no Christian Education at all during the summer, so I've come up with some extra projects for myself. In June I started the Evening Prayer (Taize style) service on Tuesday nights and that's been...

Here are some photos of my new office. It's tiny, but it has a window to the street (one of only two in this house), and I've been able to make it really mine in terms of color and functionality. When I was five and six years old we lived in Nederland Texas, east of Houston. I have this memory of a neighbor's house--the children there were older so we didn't play over there much. But on this one rare occasion all the younger kids, like me, were in that house. And forever in my memory are the sheer purple drapes the mom had hung in one of the bedrooms. Oh! I thought they were beautiful! The windows were open, too, so there was movement and they sort of floated in the room. Because of that image in my mind's eye, I decided to decorate my office in purple. Purple drapes (not sheer, though), purple lamps, and I arranged some flowers with purple and pink in a purple vase. I love it! I love sitting in this room. The feel of it is cozy and beautiful, and I feel a sacrednes...