Meaning and Authenticity

My daughter-in-law has a lovely voice, a rich alto that reminds me of...well, as I'm trying to think here, strangely enough perhaps, it reminds me of reality. I like soprano voices, too, but rich deep alto voices remind me of the kind of reality that just grabs me and makes me want to pay attention to the world with all its angst and beauty and substance. She, my daughter-in-law, has a great post today about "voice"--not the singing kind, although that's a means of expression, too--but more on the fear of claiming the power of our voices, something lots of people can relate to, I think, and a subject that interests me greatly. Her words remind me of how difficult it is to sift through the cacophony of "voices" we have in this culture to find those that make sense to us, that provide meaning for our lives, or offer comfort and hope. We have so many idiotic cowards on the national scene who daily scream their vitriolic hubbub. I heard Senator Lindsay Graham on...

Diane has such a beautiful post, " Mother's Day Reflections from a Non-Mother. " She expresses so eloquently much of my own feelings. Thank you, Diane. I blogged last year about the grief I finally was able to experience at not being a mother. (See: Two Souls ) And I was so blessed to receive comments from dear Lovely Passionate Feminist and from blogging friends that, to this day, have stayed with me and given me such solace. LPF, GannetGirl, Linda, Jan, thank you. (GG, I am holding you in prayer, holding you in prayer, holding you in prayer...) This past year I have seen mothering in new ways. Although I am childless, children are playing an increasing role in my life. The children at my church, to whom I am "Pastor Katherine," are amazing. I'm with them for a couple of hours once a week, but many have revealed their hearts to me. It's probably the best thing about my "job," relating to these children, loving them. This picture shows some of ...

I've been thinking recently about what an interesting man I married. Here's why. Recently David.... Performed in a huge musical review. He sang four solos and did the soliloquy from Mutiny on the Bounty. He stole the show. I mean it -- and it was a great show. Read Resurrecting Empire: Western Footprints and America's Perilous Path in the Middle East by Rashid Khalidi Built a deck for our backyard. He'd never done anything like this before. Taught himself. Read Dirt: The Erosion of Civilizations by paleoarcheologist David R. Montgomery. Built a raised garden in our backyard. The tomatoes, onions, and heirloom beans are doing great--soon we'll have "farm fresh" produce to eat! Read After the Ice: A Global Human History 20,000-5000 BC by Steven Mithen. Brought me flowers almost every week. Read The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl by Timothy Egan. Diagnosed the problem with my computer. Turns out it was...

It's official: I now have dual standing in the United Church of Christ and the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). I spent yesterday morning being "examined" by the Church & Ministry Committee. They "approved" me after asking me questions mostly about UCC polity, some of which I really flubbed, but the committee passed me anyway! Thank goodness! I spent the afternoon at church as well, participating in our church's Planning Retreat which lasted from 1:00 until about 5:00. Then I was off to friend Life Giving One's house to pick up little Julia for an overnight at our house--a sleep-over which included my granddaughter M as well. J is 3 and M is 2. For the most part, they managed to have a great time together. I think it helped to have them both here at the same time. For one thing, little M fell asleep without a fuss, having J in the bed next to hers. Whew! They are such delights to have around!

I was witness to something extraordinary last night. Truly extraordinary. Lovely Passionate Feminist (LPF), who will turn 21 this week, landed a major role in The Vagina Monologues. She's been part of this play for each of her three years in college, but been part of the chorus or a trio. This time, she had her own monologue: Crooked Braid. For those of you who don't know--and I didn't until LPF got involved in this-- The Vagina Monologues is produced on college campuses every year around Valentine's Day. The reason? To draw attention to violence against women. It is a powerful, powerful play, based on the interviews conducted by Eve Ensler. (Not sure if that's Ensler pictured above or not, but that's the photo on the website). When Ensler asked women about their vaginas, many of them took that opportunity to speak to her of that which is at the center of their being as women. They spoke of their pain, their joyous breakthroughs as human and therefore sexual b...

We've had some absolutely WONDERFUL news this weekend: Young Man with Integrity is getting married!! He's marrying J, the Inherently Irrational Rationalist (title of her blog), whose little two-year-old is Little M. David and I have called ourselves grandparents of Little M for a while now, but I guess we can look forward to a "more official" grandparenthood. !!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The wedding will be later this year sometime, and they have asked me and David to officiate. David just wants to do a blessing at the end, so I'm more than delighted to be able to perform this role for my wonderful stepson and his soon-to-be wife. They are a good match. Readers of this blog know that Young Man with Integrity is brilliant, sensitive, uniquely his own person, kind and caring, hardworking, and one whom I fully expect will one day contribute powerfully to making this world a better place. He majored in political science and plans on law school. Girlfriend and...

I'm in the recliner in my living room. Still coughing, still feeling lousy. But I've had a litte time to read some of my favorite blogs this afternoon, and that has lightened my mood. Wish I had time to read more, but Jan, Mompriest and Kate alone have really helped me. I've been in a bit of a funk, I guess, mostly just because of this persistent illness that leaves me so tired. I haven't wanted to reflect on anything, and that's never a good thing for me, a sure sign that I'm not myself. Jan's on a wonderful trip with her husband, which makes me smile. Mompriest is able to feel truly happy in circumstances that would put anyone down. And Kate's reflections on her entire year are profound and deeply moving. I'm inspired! The year began for me in a new place, a new job in a new church, new faces, new church culture to learn. Having left a dysfunctional church that allowed a few mean-spirited people to behave badly toward its clergy, I needed a while t...

I'm tired. Up till 2:00 a.m. last night wrapping presents and picking up the house. Gosh, I can't do that and feel like a human being the next day. We had our "Christmas" this morning. All the chidren were here. We opened presents (for a very long time!) and then had a nice Christmas dinner, thanks to my husband's skill in the kitchen. Our little two-year-old granddaughter was a live-wire. She needed a nap big-time , but no one could entice her to it. Well, we enticed her time and time again, but she simply refused. And she got it in her head that I was her special friend today: " My KK. My KK," she kept repeating...."play with me, KK!" "come here, KK," "where my ball, KK?" Of course I loved it, but with low energy to start with, and six full hours of playing, I'm one whupped pup. My husband and I leave for a visit with my inlaws soon. The kids will be here and in City to the South at various times, but coul...

My youngest daughter-by-marriage is 18 today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL GENUINE MUSICIAN! When I first met David's children, Beautiful Genuine Musician (BGM) was 12. David and I had driven to City to the South to pick her up, and on the drive back I asked her about her life. I was STUNNED to hear how articulate she was! Such a young girl, but so mature in her thoughts and opinions and ability to speak. And so able to enjoy life--she was bubbly, but also had a real depth to her. I'll not forget how she so quickly invited me to play a video game with her. We sat together on a small couch as we played, and when I utterly failed at this game she was quick to want to help me not feel badly about it. She is always eager to help others feel okay about themselves. She turned 13 a month after I met her, and I was part of the birthday party at David's house. Cake and presents. Lots of laughter. Soon after that she met a couple of my friends who were visiting for the afternoon....

Something's different in my life. It's requiring a little adjustment. For the first time in my married life (all four years of it), we have no children at home. The house is just home to me and David. It feels sad, kind of empty. When David and I married, Young Man with Integrity (YMI) was 19 and a sophomore in college. Several people told me that would be a problem for our marriage--okay, not a problem automatically, but they warned me that it could cause extra stress at a time when you're learning to live together as a couple. But, no, it didn't cause a problem or extra stress. YMI is quiet and easy to get along with. I appreciated the chance to get to know him, and he was a HUGE help to me last year when I got so sick just as David had a bunch of important traveling scheduled. YMI moved out in May, just as Lovely Passionate Feminist (LPF) moved in for the summer. She's back in her dorm at college now, and it was extremely sad to see her go. She had eased the adju...

I've been reading John O'Donohue this morning. Anam Cara , which is his book about soul friends. I read his profound words, words drenched in beauty, and I can feel my soul open. What wonder that evokes in me. We live our lives so busy, so goal-oriented that we--No. Let me put this in the first person--I am so busy, so oriented toward getting things done, that I have spent my long-anticipated vacation actually working on a paper due soon for an interview about dual standing in the UCC. Finally, last night, I realized what I was doing, and today has been a completely different experience. Reading O'Donohue, I am transported to a different, and I think more real, reality. Zen taught me that "This is it." This moment. This place. This body. When I am awake, aware, conscious of my being in time and space, then I am alive. This aliveness this morning, reading O'Donohue and stopping frequently to reflect, brought an opening of my soul. Through this opening came ... ...

My daughter-by-marriage Beautiful Genuine Drummer Girl (I need a new name for her since she is no longer interested in being a professional percussionist!) has finished high school. Yippee! Friday was her last day. I picked her up from City to the South yesterday. My inlaws, her grandparents, and one of her cousins, are in the air as I write, flying here to be part of the graduation ceremony next week. We're having a big cook-out in her honor tonight. Tuesday night is her Senior Piano Recital (she's majoring in piano at her local community college, with her eye on transfering up here to a major university after one or two years), and Wednesday evening is GRADUATION! After that, I'm not sure when we'll see her. She has a job and she is moving into her own apartment in City to the South. Last night we went to Target and bought her some things for the apartment, and this morning we went through some boxes in the attic--dishes, pots and pans, etc. Young Man with Integ...

Yikes, what a week I've had. I promised myself that with a part-time job I would actually work part-time, but that didn't happen this week! Not by a long shot. Every day, including Saturday, it was dawn to dusk. Good things, though. We've started a Prayer Sponsor Ministry, linking adults to pray for each child and youth in our church. I prepared some resources and put them in a packet, along with each child's profile, photo, etc. And then I prepared a little "certificate" for each child, so they would know who was praying for her/him daily, along with the pray-er's photo. Easy, but time intensive. I played "The Prophet" in my church's drama group's presentation this morning. In place of the sermon, we did a little play for Pentecost. This acting thing (so to speak) has been my move-out-of-my-comfort-zone project this Spring, and it's turned out to be fun. I decorated Adventure Village (Sunday School rotation model) for the children. P...

My husband and I have both been pretty creative lately. I've put together a brochure for my church--the best and most sophisticated I've ever done. I'm getting pretty good with Publisher and photos and line drawings, if I do say so myself. And I love doing it! It occurs to me to put together some examples and try to market my services to churches~see if I can't make some moola!! But my husband has been creative in a different way. He's building a deck! I think that 's just pretty amazing. He's never done one before, but he has experience from when he was young...his father is a person who's always been good with a hammer and saw. D has been an intellectual who loves to read (and, unlike me, actually retains most of what he reads), but now, as he says, he is 'channeling' his father! And all to our benefit! I'm so impressed with what he's done and how quickly it's come together. Wow. While I'm at it, here's a picture of the beau...

I'm reading a book called "What the Body Wants," written by the founder of Interplay. There's one little paragraph that brought back a memory for me. She writes about her middle-school daughter who complained about the way she, the author and mother, woke her up every morning for school. "Mom, could you cool it with the sing-song?" Apparently the mother/author knocked on her daughter's door and said, "Wake uuuuuuup. It's time for schoooooool." Her point was that the body knows its rhythms and what works best for it as it awakens from sleep. I remembered how my sister and I once got together and decided we were going to confront our mom about the way she woke us up--which was basically with a screech: "Get up! It's time for school!" We went into her room and said we needed to talk to her. (I can only imagine where her mind went at that point.) We said, "Mom, could you please try to wake us up more gently, without the yell...

We had a wonderful night out yesterday. Went to City to the East to hear a concert by Carrie Newcomer. What a voice. And her songs are meaningful...she's worked with Parker Palmer and put some of his poems to song. Check her out !

My sweet husband surprised me yesterday. He'd read my blog where I said I wished I still had a copy of Atlantic High by Wm. F. Buckley, so he ordered it for me from Powell Books! How thoughtful! Is he the sweetest husband on earth? I joked with him that night--After reading a few pages and not remembering anything about it so far, I said, "You know, I think it was my friend Roberta who liked this. And she just told me about it." Ha! (trouble is, I really wasn't joking!) (D's still sweet, though!!!!)

Here are some photos of D in his performance as Boolie in Driving Miss Daisy: This was the photo in the Playbill -- (Is he handsome or what? And a good heart, to boot!) And here is one of the "official" cast shots: These two shots are the "salmon" scene, where Daisy calls Boolie early in the morning and has him come over to her house. She wants him there when she confronts Hoak about stealing a $.33 can of salmon. Boolie is not pleased. Hoak has bought Miss Daisy's old car. Boolie receives the Man of the Year award in Atlanta business circles... And here Boolie meets Hoak at the old house, before they go together to visit Miss Daisy in the nursing home. D was GREAT!

My husband and my son-by-marriage are caucusing down the block at our precinct. For Obama. I was so looking forward to going, but had to leave work early today--I'm still coughing and have a lot of rattling in my lungs again. Young Man with Integrity hopes to be elected to the County as a delegate from our precinct. We get 15 delegates, but D called and said there were over 400 people there. Still, most of them will leave once they sign in, so who knows? I REALLY hope he makes it. I voted for Obama, but as I left the polling place this morning I had a big moment of 'buyer's remorse,' seeing all these women standing outside in the cold with "HILLARY ARKANSAS TRAVELER" signs. They waved at me, and I waved back, and felt so guilty. !! (It snowed up here in North Texas last night, but by mid-afternoon it was in the 60's, so I guess they didn't have too bad a time of it standing out there.) Anyway, gosh, two such great candidates. D said he wants Obama as ...

Lovely Passionate Feminist is home sick today. We drove up to Small City to the North and brought her home with us yesterday so that she could start to heal and feel better in her comfortable bed here at home. It's some kind of stomach flu, or food-poisoning (but the docs at the university's clinic said she was contagious--can food poisoning be contagious?) Anyway, she's feeling very puny and our hearts are surrounding her with love. In other news ... I'm still living life in warp-speed. Oh, so much to get done! But I decided to listen to my friends who have been nudging me to attend this year's Five-Day Academy for Spiritual Formation in our area. This is the retreat that I led last year--well, not really. I was suppose to lead it, but went home sick on the 2nd day with pneumonia. Anyway, this year I'm just going to attend it, be there for five days with no responsibilities at all, enjoying some of my dearest friends, engaging lectures, and an absolutel...