I guess we had about 700 people in worship this morning. Amazing. We normally have about 160. I read the first line of the Call to Worship, and when the people responded with the second line, it was so loud, I nearly fell over!
The whole morning was just grand. Everyone was in a good mood. Excited and happy, and as I said in my stewardship meditation, spilling over with gratitude to God.
Our guest preacher was fabulous. The title of his sermon was "Feast or Famine" and he spoke of how we sell ourselves short, and therefore offer others (and ourselves) so little. We actually have everything, but we refuse to see it, refuse to take the risk to see it, and so remain satisfied with our status quo, mediocre lives. We dream such small dreams.
This really hit home with me.
There's a line from a movie called "Shirley Valentine" when the title character says in a self-reflective voice-over, We live such small lives. When I heard that, I was maybe 28 years old and felt she was speaking directly to me, pulling some cosmic warning out of the sky with my name written all over it.
A year or so before I met my husband D, I was in group therapy. One of the therapists who ran the group was NB. The group was talking about the actress Queen Latifah, and suddenly NB says to me, "You know, Katherine, you have a Queen Latifah somewhere in you." I'm stunned, and I give him one of my frowns that say What on God's earth are you talking about? He says, "YOU DO. YOU HAVE THAT QUEEN LATIFAH STYLE. YOU JUST HOLD IT IN AND DON'T LET IT SHOW." I think I finally manage to sputter "Wow" or some such nonsense. But I've never forgotten that. Beautiful Genuine Drummer Girl and I saw Hairspray Friday night, with...yes, Queen Latifah. There's one scene where she's leading a protest march back in the 60's, and I'm sitting there in that theater watching that scene, thinking Dear God, I can be more than I am. Help me be more. Help me be who you REALLY want me to be.
I have these moments of grace when I see so clearly -- no. It's not that I see. I feel. I can feel that there's no good reason for me to hold back. Fear no longer matters. Leave the business world that you know so well. Leave the single life that you know so well. I did those things. I know this feeling which comes every so often, then seems to come more frequently. God works transformation in different ways, I know. Usually for me, I reach some tipping point and then one day wake up and realize I'm no longer the same. Ah, may it be so.