Meaning and Authenticity

Oh, what a week. I'm sick again. Yep. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. It just makes me so mad. Of course, underneath anger is always some kind of threat, and I guess what threatens me about this are a couple of things. I'm afraid of being a drag on my husband. I'm afraid this signals old age approaching, with all its decrease in ability to control my own life. Lots of images of my mother come to me when I'm sick like this--she died of respiratory ailments. I'm afraid of disappointing people who depend on me. Now that I have three jobs, I have more people to disappoint in that regard! My therapist once pointed out to me that when we are sick or stressed out, all the old dysfunctional internal messages tend to come roaring back. Maybe that's what this is really all about. Probably so. Although my concerns are reasonable, aren't they? Well, maybe the one about growing old, but now that I think about it, the other two are probably coming from that deep wound ...

A dear friend of mine is being ordained on Saturday. She asked me to preach, and I'm honored to do so. Her text is Wisdom of Solomon 7:26 - 8:1. Do you know it? I confess I didn't, but I have come to adore it: "For she is a reflection of eternal light, a spotless mirror of the working of God, and an image of his goodness. Although she is but one, she can do all things, and while remaining in herself, she renews all things; in every generation she passes into holy souls and makes them friends of God, and prophets; for God loves nothing so much as the person who lives with wisdom. She is more beautiful than the sun, and excels every constellation of the stars. Compared with the light she is found to be superior, for it is succeeded by the night, but against wisdom evil does not prevail. She reaches mightily from one end of the earth to the other, and she orders all things well. " Isn't that beautiful? Wow. My sermon is about the paradox involved in Wisdom and ...

Jan tagged me for this cute (and possibly very difficult) meme. Here are the rules: 1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers. 2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name). 3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged.) E is for...eclectic (I'm stealing from Jan). I'm an eclectic counselor, using narrative, existential, some cognitive. L is for...lively. I'm lively in the sense that I value Life (with a capital "L") and don't want to waste my life. I is for...intuitive. Very. As in 'off the charts.' Z is for...zealous is the only 'z' word I can think of. Am I zealous? Perhaps -- for justice. A is for...actress. Well, I'm exaggerating big-time, but I did play my first p...

Thanks to Jan for this quote. (Glad you're home safe and sound.) Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?”Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~Marianne Williamson~

Lovely Passionate Feminist is home sick today. We drove up to Small City to the North and brought her home with us yesterday so that she could start to heal and feel better in her comfortable bed here at home. It's some kind of stomach flu, or food-poisoning (but the docs at the university's clinic said she was contagious--can food poisoning be contagious?) Anyway, she's feeling very puny and our hearts are surrounding her with love. In other news ... I'm still living life in warp-speed. Oh, so much to get done! But I decided to listen to my friends who have been nudging me to attend this year's Five-Day Academy for Spiritual Formation in our area. This is the retreat that I led last year--well, not really. I was suppose to lead it, but went home sick on the 2nd day with pneumonia. Anyway, this year I'm just going to attend it, be there for five days with no responsibilities at all, enjoying some of my dearest friends, engaging lectures, and an absolutel...

Diane and Jiff have tagged me for different memes, so here they are! From Diane : 1. Where / how did you meet? Through Match.com. Yep. He's embarrassed about that and always says we met through mutual friends. Which is true, in a way. It turned out that we did indeed have mutual friends (but they hadn't thought to introduce us), and we lived within 5 minutes from each other. 2. How long have you known each other? We met on July 5, 2003. 3. How long after you met did you start dating? Immediately. 4. How long did you date before you were engaged? He proposed in October, so 3 months. Wow. 5. How long was your engagement? We married in March, 2004, so 5 months. (Hey, we're old and had no time to waste!) 6. How long have you been married? We'll be married 4 years next month. 7. When is your anniversary? March 20. 8. How many people came to your wedding reception? We figured there were about 300 people at the wedding and most probably came on down to the reception. 9. What k...

It's Saturday morning, and absolutely beautiful in North Texas. The sun is shining. The air looks clean (for a change). And it's suppose to be about 70 by mid-afternoon. Life is so incredibly good. D's play, Driving Miss Daisy, is doing well. Thursday night I attended the "preview" performance, where they invite people in from retirement homes for free. The house was about half full, I'd say. D was great! I admire his talent for acting and performing like that. The whole cast was wonderful. In fact, during the last act, when Hoak is visiting Daisy in the nursing home, feeding her with his old, shaking hand, I found tears streaming down my face. There is such a sadness involved in getting old. I mean, just existentially ~ sadness at the approaching end. I remember, when I decided to jump off the cliff and leave my oil company job...my Zen teacher, Ruben, told me that I had one month to live and challenged me: what will you do in the time you have remaining on ...

Looks like Clinton and Obama are pretty much tied, which makes the Texas primary more important. I had hoped that Obama would really pull away yesterday, but . . . When I think of Clinton in the White House I do have some misgivings. It just seems that it will be politics-as-usual, deeper polarizations, the Republicans going after her with their nastiness in full gear. I worry that she will let the war continue. Of course, with Clinton in the White House more attention will be paid to the needs of children, and for whatever good she can do in that area (and many others), I will be grateful. Plus, there is the feeling I will have ~ I know it will be there ~ of having a woman as president. My heart will be full. Little girls all over the world so need to see this. We ALL need to see this. When I think of Obama in the White House, I have more hope. He will reach out to Republicans, and those who really do put their country before their egos will respond positively. The country c...

My church today began the 9-week process of becoming officially "open and affirming." We'll vote at the end of the study we're doing, but I'm told there should be no problem at all. Years ago there were members who were uncomfortable with it, but they are no longer with us. Good thing ~ I'm not eager for any more church conflict! It makes me very happy to be part of such a church as this. People here take hospitality, true Christian hospitality , seriously. Wow.