Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Acceptance of Life as Gift

If I were to actually accept my life as gift, what would that look like?

I sent an email this morning to my women's spirituality group, quoting Mark Nepo's reading for today about the Flow of Life.  He says all of life is harboring and releasing.  Fully taking in our experience, then letting it go, whether joyful or painful.  Harbor and release.  Again and Again.  Beautiful stuff.

And he has a line in there about how resisting is painful...resisting makes us rust like iron.

Yes, resisting is futile...but accepting my life as a gift ...means ... hmmm...
Facing the profound disappointment I feel about certain relationships that are currently blocked.  This is not blog-able, but it occurs to me first because it's what I am resisting SO strongly each and every time I think about it.  I want to make them right. I want them to be what they used to be...free and easy and close.  I want to correct this, un-do what needs to be undone.  I want to take action to .... to what?  Oh, Lord.  I can't "take action" and "make" the others different.  I can only "take action" within myself.  So, to accept the disappointment I feel is to open my heart to the wrenching pain, oh, it hurts! . . .  to allow the tears to fall, and to rage against . . . well, against the facts, against the fact that this has happened.  It is.  
Crap.

That's the harboring, and I've been holding/harboring for a long time.  

To release the disappointment and anger, well, the point is what's left after those negative feelings are felt.  I can remember what good remains in the relationships.  I can face the realignment of the relationship.  Oh, it still hurts, but . . . 




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