Monday, July 19, 2010

And Now What?

I'm in one of those I-want-to-look-at-my-life moods. Know what I mean? They come at the end of a big job, when I can breathe and broaden my focus again.

What's next?

1. One thing I know I need to do is find some way to focus on grieving Andy's death. Yesterday I came across his name on something and I found myself nearly bent over in pain; for a few moments I could barely breathe. Of course, I came across his name on things constantly in the last month when I was preparing for and teaching my class, but that was different--I was using what he'd taught me. Now I don't have that psychic "protection." The tears threaten to spill over even now.

2. I have to make-up the time I missed from work in preparing the class, so I'll be working on Thursdays this Fall. I've been in a discernment process regarding whether to enroll in Hearthpaths training for the Ignatian Exercises--it would mean every Friday morning from September through May, plus a lot of hours throughout the week. I need that discipline, but I also find myself thinking/feeling that I might 'need' that Friday morning for myself...just me here at home...since my Thursdays will now be 'taken.' Hmmm, I guess I'm wanting to guard my free time.

3. Free read. I want to read "Wolf Totem"--David was ga-ga over this book; it sounds fabulous. Katie gave me a couple of books to read that I haven't had time to even look at. "How God Changes Your Brain"--I recommended this book to my friend C, and she's finished it, while I haven't really begun! The list is endless. "Eat, Pray, Love" -- I noticed the movie opens soon and I've wanted to read the book for ages.

4. Free garden. My back won't allow me to really garden, but I want to investigate this Tabletop Gardening as an alternative. Maybe this Fall.

5. Learning to eat mindfully. I've started this, but the last couple of weeks I really let it drop. My meals were whatever was convenient.

6. Free write. Weavings invited me to submit some articles this year, but my time was spent in teaching. I'd love to designate Fridays just to writing, and especially for Weavings.

7. Can one learn to like exercising? "Joyful Movement" is the key, isn't it? I do like to walk with my friend Pam--at the mall, of course. It's too damnhot otherwise until October. What else might be "Joyful Movement" for me? Hmmm, dance lessons. Riding my bike (when it gets cooler). I wonder if I'd use a Wii -- they look kinda fun. InterPlay, for sure; I need to find a group.

8. Prioritizing Centering Prayer in my life. I'm meeting with a group of wonderful friends each Wednesday, but I'd like to have a group meet at my church as well on another day of the week. Since reading Centering Prayer and the Inner Life, I find myself really drawn to this spiritual discipline.

Well, we shall see...


Robin said...

I barely remember what it's like not to feel my breath taken away by pain off and on all day, every day. I wonder sometimes if that will ever end, but I suppose not.

Learning to give the Exercises is a great gift. Whether this year or another - you'll love it when the time is right.

Mompriest said...

I too hope that you will persue the Ignatian Exercises on day. I've always wanted too....I love that you have been invited to write for Weavings. (That is something I'd love to do one day), renew, and enjoy...

steve said...

I'm sorry for your loss. There's something about losing a mentor of that kind that is somewhat like losing a parent, I think.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you face this time of grief. Peace, my friend.

Jan said...

Centering prayer--remember that sitting twice a day for even a few minutes is enough. It is God's prayer and God will grow it. That has really helped me on this Alaska and WA vacation.

Bravo--for being invited to write for "Weavings." I know it would be valued by all, especially me. Time will come when it is time.