Monday, April 19, 2010

Courage and Authenticity

A little attempt at creative writing: Scenes of courage

His mother had never liked his wife. For that matter, his mother had never liked anyone he'd ever liked, or anywhere he's chosen to live, or any career to which he'd felt called. One day, for some odd reason, he decided he wouldn't take it anymore and he told his mother not to call again. "You owe me!" she screamed in response. The car she bought for him, the college loan. Nevertheless, "You've been paid in full," he said, and then, without fanfare, angst, or guilt, he simply hung up. Ah, the end of a relationship, but the beginning of life. He'd accessed the courage within him.

...

"I'm afraid to be alone," she confided. "If I leave him, I'll be alone. I might not make it." And if you don't leave him? Her eyes went blank as she turned deeply inward. Silence. Gentle tears. "If I don't leave, I'll be alone anyway." Turning point. The impulse of courage and the launching of Life.

...

"Perfectionism. Soul-murdering perfectionism. What will they think if I'm late with this deliverable? It's like riding a bike and getting absolutely nowhere, striving, struggling, working 80 hour weeks and then ... poof! The affirmation I need is given, received, and then it's over. On to the next striving, struggling, riding that bike as fast as I can, all in order to please....who? My boss? sure, and he won't remember longer than next week how I busted my butt. Myself? well, there's the rub. I won't remember longer than tomorrow. No matter how hard I work, how much effort I put into it, it's never enough. The bar is always higher the next time. Dear God, what am I doing? I'm wasting my life. I'm caring about things that just don't amount to a hill of beans. Please help me, God. Beneath all this false bravado, false niceness, false 'you can count on me!', false EVERYTHING...who am I? Please God, help me."

...

2 comments:

Mrs. M said...

Thank you a million times for the first "scene of courage." You can't begin to know your timing. I'm wrestling with doing the same thing with my mother, and to have it called courage is incredible. That is not the common description for someone who cuts off contact with a parent. Thank you for even acknowledging this perspective as a possibility.

Terri (AKA Mompriest) said...

Acts of courage that our culture doesn't always deem as couragous. I hope one day what I did is seen as couragous instead of a sign that I must be incompetent....Thanks for this.