The last few days have been amazing. Really, it was the best Five-Day Academy I've ever attended--whether that's because I had no responsibilities or because my soul was simply ready to receive, I'm not sure. Probably both.
As the week wore on, I felt more and more space open up within me.
The last twelve years have been one HUGE event after another ~ for the most part the events have been good, but nevertheless HUGE changes take their toll. I left my job in corporate America, entered seminary, got ordained, sold my beautiful house and moved, took a six-month job as ED of a non-profit for older persons, entered a Ph.D. program, went through two + years of incredibly intense group therapy, lost my dear friend N to cancer, finished the Two-Year Academy for Spiritual Formation, qualifying exams, writing the dissertation, meeting D and marrying him, moving again, loving my new children-by-marriage, adjusting to family life and sharing living space, defending the dissertation, graduating, taking an interim senior pastor position, then three years serving a very conflicted church downtown.
Now I find myself in a church that is healthy, and where my part-time responsibilities are limited. And I suddenly (since last week) no longer have two other jobs--now, it's just one other job (building up my practice in spiritual direction and pastoral counseling). Having no more clerical work to do at what was my third job, I find myself, for the first time in twelve years, with a couple of mornings free.
As this life-review came to me this week, I felt something new being born.
Along with this realization of a bit of time during the week that I can call my own, came a further realization that the person who now could experience this bit of freedom wasn't the same person who began all these changes twelve years ago.
I feel more confident, more hopeful, more able to be my authentic self in most situations.
~~Do I hear a "Wow!" ? ~~ Yes!
This week it feels like I can use this "extra" time to really be creative. Some of the time will have to be spent marketing myself as a counselor/spiritual director--I have financial responsibilities in my marriage and family. But another thing I'd really like to do is develop some presentations that I can offer to retreat planners. As I listened to our faculty at the Five Day Academy, both of whom I really liked, I found myself thinking Hmmm. I think I might like to do that. And then my roommate for the week, The Author, said to me, out of the blue, in a very serious tone: "Katherine, I think you should be a presenter for the Academy." !! We talked about it some, and she told me why, which was nice to hear. The main thing was the remarkable timing of her comment. I took it as real encouragement.
Whether it actually works out isn't the important thing, though. My soul opened up this week, ready to receive something new...
Who is God calling me to become?...
Who has God created me to be?